Do You Want To Build A Heart?
by C.B. Magique
Summary: [Musical fic] Ansem's apprentices were like brothers to Ienzo, none more so than Even. Ienzo just wants to see him do his magic again but Even's guilt drives them apart over time until they reach a point where they can be no further from each other and with no hope of ever bridging that gap.


**Okay, so I was really tired and it was late and I was listening to the Frozen soundtrack and halfway through 'Do You Want To Build A Snowman?' I got the idea for an Even/Ienzo friendship version of it. Backtrack for further context, earlier I was watching random clips from KH games on Youtube, including the clip where Ven meets Ienzo and Even. I scrolled through the comments on a whim and someone pointed out that the difference between Even and Vexen is actually really distinct; despite looking the same Even comes across as less creepy and even _warm_. So I replayed the clip a couple of times and started to think "dayum, random youtuber, I think you're right." So later as I was listening to Disney music I got this notion... **

**Also, ever since I started writing Tidus' Adventures in Traverse Town and Princess Story, I've developed this headcanon where Kingdom Hearts is actually part Disney musical. Usually when I put a word in italics I just mean emphasis but when you see a whole sentence in italics that means singing. You will definitely notice that some of the lyrics have been changed to better suit the context of the story. **

**I would greatly appreciate your feedback. :3**

* * *

**Do You Want to Build a Heart?**

* * *

Early days in Radiant Garden – before the darkness, before the betrayal and corruption and the mess caused by four Keyblade wielders – were blithe and peaceful. The city shone like the crystal cliffs surrounding it and the seat of power rose above it all, sturdy and powerful. However, even within the walls of such a grand fortress, the little lives of humans pottered on gaily as they did in town.

At the time that we're currently speaking of, Ansem the Wise only had four apprentices and a small child, all residing within the castle. The boy had already lost one family and over the years had to gradually find his place within the castle, warming to strangers slowly like a cool ember. Shy as he was, the child was still more or less prone to behave as all children do. Early in the morning, while the sky was bright but the sun was still yet to make an appearance, he crept through the silent halls and snuck into a bedroom that he had visited many times before on mornings like this. He crept as quietly as he could on all fours towards the bed and then peered over it. The occupant was wrapped up in sheets and a duvet and snoozing peacefully. So, the child crawled onto the bed and leaped on the mound in the covers.

"Oof!"

The little boy giggled playfully as the bump shifted, forcing him to slide off. The sleeping man sat up with a groan and the little boy laughed at the horrendous mess his normally straight hair had become. He glared at the child tiredly.

"What do you want, Ienzo?"

"Let's go play, Even."

Even looked over at the clock on his bedside table. "It's too early to play. Go back to bed."

He rolled over, unwittingly knocking Ienzo off the bed and onto the floor. The little boy huffed, playing with the carpet thoughtfully for a moment before climbing back onto Even's bed and murmuring in his ear:

"Hey… let's go skating."

Even cracked an eye open and glanced at Ienzo with a smile. Ienzo smiled back in that way that was so undeniably adorable and hopeful that Even always lost the will to say no. He relented and climbed out of bed. Ienzo whooped in excitement and bounced off the bed to grab Even's hand as the two of them made their way to the castle's ballroom. Ienzo slid out into the middle of the hard, shiny floor on his slippers, leaving Even to catch up.

"Come on, Even! Do the magic!"

"Alright, alright," Even muttered, crouching down to Ienzo's level. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"Yes! Do it!"

"Well, okay… watch this."

Even twirled his hands around each other and a luminescent orb of blue Blizzard magic began to manifest like a growing ice crystal. Instead of doing what Ienzo expected him to do with it he threw it straight up into the air where it burst into a flurry of snowflakes.

"It's snowing inside!" Ienzo cackled.

"I know, I learned how to do that recently," Even said, standing up.

He tapped his foot and a layer of frost seeped out from underneath it, covering the entire ballroom floor. It was a slippery surface and the first step Ienzo took caused him to slip. Even went to help him up but the boy was already getting to his feet by himself. He took off to race around the ballroom, squealing happily.

"Look out, I'm making a ramp," Even smiled. With a wave of his hand a small slope appeared on the floor right in front of Ienzo. He slid right over it and even leaped off it bravely. Even conjured another ramp beneath him to act as a slide that sent Ienzo whizzing safely across the floor.

They played like that for a while and had done so many times before. The chastisement they got for covering the floor in all of that water was always worth it. Even could cover the floor in ice and now he could also cover it with snow. Despite the fact that it was summer he could turn the entire ballroom into their personal winter wonderland. Ienzo loved the ramps and platforms that Even could conjure out of thin air, sliding and jumping with the goal of reaching the ceiling. Unfortunately, he always fell before he made it halfway and Even was always there to catch him with an ice slide.

This time he was really determined to touch the giant crystal chandelier that hung from the dome ceiling. He skated up an already made ramp and onto several platforms. "Catch me, Even!" he shouted and as always, Even would summon another icy pillar to catch and lift him higher.

"W-wait, slow down!" Even exclaimed, trying to keep up with Ienzo's rambunctious energy.

He'd already jumped higher than he ever had before. Even had to move to keep him in his sights, unaware of what he had created beneath him and slipped on the icy floor as his magic fired.

It happened in a split second but in his eyes it looked so slow. The Blizzard shot hit Ienzo somewhere in the head and sent him falling out of the air, landing luckily in a loose snowdrift that had built up earlier. Even gasped and scrambled his feet to get to Ienzo's side, almost slipping several times. He dug the child out of the snow and cradled him close. Crystals of frost were forming thickly over his right eye and spreading across his face.

"Oh no… what have I done? What do I do?" He panicked for a moment. "Ansem will be able to help fix this."

He picked the child up and carried him on his hip out of the ballroom, calling for Ansem all the way. He only got to the first flight of stairs after the ballroom before he came across Aeleus and Dilan standing at the top of the stairs. Dilan's expression was peeved and tired while Aeleus looked more concerned than anything but before either of them could say anything someone else stepped in to interrogate.

"What is the meaning of all this noise?"

Dilan and Aeleus turned and parted to allow a sterner, older man with long blond hair to pass. He didn't need a response; one look at Even and Ienzo and he could guess some of the problem. His eyes hardened and he gasped inaudibly, a reaction that caused Even to lower his head guiltily.

"Even, what have you done?" Ansem the Wise said in a low, calm voice. It sent chills right to Even's core.

"We were just playing," he began to explain as Ansem took the child from his arms and turned him over to see the damage. "I didn't mean—"

"Good gracious, Even, you're an adult for goodness sake!" Ansem interrupted, glaring at him with barely contained fury. Even flinched. "Can't I even trust you to exercise some sensibility and responsibility?"

Even couldn't look at anyone, his head lowered even further and he tried to shrink into himself. Ansem took a deep breath through his nose.

"We will fix this, do not worry." He turned around and passed the other two apprentices, barking at them: "One of you, come with me."

Dilan and Aeleus looked at each other. Aeleus turned to Even and Dilan glanced at him, twisting his lips at the awkwardness of the situation. Even couldn't pull into himself any harder unless he crouched into a ball. Dilan walked away, following Ansem, while Aeleus put a large but gentle hand on Even's shoulder.

"Accidents happen to everyone," he said softly. "It's not your fault."

Even shrugged his hand off and quickly brushed past him without a word. He folded his arms. His head remained bowed as he made his way back to his room and shut the door with a soft click. Aeleus watched him worriedly but instead of prying he left to see where Dilan and Ansem the Wise had gotten to.

* * *

A few months had passed since that incident. Even could barely look at Ienzo during the first few weeks. His silver hair – which Ansem had previously commented needed to be trimmed – was now combed over the right side of his face, covering the eye patch on his injured side. Even when the eye patch was removed his hair was still styled that way, leaving Even to believe that he had permanently damaged the boy in some way. Ansem had given him all the cues to show that he'd been forgiven but he still shut himself up in his room, diligently keeping it locked from now on. He rarely ventured out unless it was absolutely necessary.

One day Ienzo finally caught up with him as he was heading back to his room to do calculations on his most recent lab project. The boy snuck up on him, only revealing himself by latching onto Even's trouser leg.

"Hey, Even, I know you're busy lately but do you have time to play?"

Even looked down at him. Ienzo clasped his hands behind his back as he waited patiently for the reply. He was still too young to be officially enrolled in formal education but his outfit – a grey, knitted vest, a collared shirt and trousers – was studiously mature. His bright eye and childish smile belied the natural intelligence he was gifted with and Even began to thaw. However, he caught himself before his resolve melted and turned his nose up.

"Sorry, Ienzo. I have more important things to do." He kept walking but Ienzo reached out to grab his clothes again.

"Not even a little time?" he whined.

"No."

"It doesn't have to be now, we can play later."

"I won't have time later either."

"Please? I haven't seen you do the magic in ages. I want to see you make snow again."

"Ienzo, please!" Even retorted, shaking the boy off his trousers. He glared at the child and he stared back with a sad frown and a wide eye. Even sighed and softened his gaze. "Why don't you ask someone else?"

"I don't want to ask someone else, I want to ask you," Ienzo pleaded. "We used to have lots of fun when you did your Blizzard magic. I've been wanting to see the snow inside again ever since you showed it to me. We could even build a snowman. Even!" Ienzo gasped excitedly. "Let's build a snowman!"

Even shook his head ruefully, focusing on Ienzo's concealed eye. "Not today." He turned to keep walking but Ienzo was insistent in getting underfoot.

"Come on!" the boy begged. _"Don't you want to build a snowman?"  
Come on, let's go and play!"_

Even shook his head. They came up to his room and he slipped inside quickly, snapping the door shut in Ienzo's face.

"_I hardly see you anymore,  
Come out the door,  
It's like you've gone away."_

Ienzo leaned against Even's door and patted it a few times. Even heard but only sighed damply and tossed his notes on his desk.

"_We used to be best buddies  
And now we're not.  
I wish you would tell me why."_

Ienzo tried peeking into the room through the old keyhole. _"Don't you want to build a snowman?"_

Failing to spot Even through the tiny hole, he leaned up to murmur into it: _"It doesn't have to be a snowman."_

"Go away, Ienzo!" Even finally snapped angrily. Ienzo flinched at the outburst, pulling away from the door in shock.

"Okay… bye," he muttered, turning to go back the way he had come, head bowed. No matter how much Blizzard magic Even used Ienzo had never felt this sensation. The aura coming from Even's direction was cold.

* * *

It was two years later when Ienzo finally achieved a rite that he affectionately referred to as 'earning his coat'. Ansem and his apprentices were amazed by his incredible progress, his talent for thinking and his natural curiosity. They hadn't thought for a second that the child they'd adopted would be anything more than ordinary and yet here he was, seven years old and delving into calculus and philosophy with great gusto. His reading level was already several years above his peers and the eloquence of his speech was alarming for someone his age. In his wisdom, Ansem pulled the child out of school – there was nothing the teachers of the second grade (or for that matter the third, fourth, fifth, etc.) could teach him anymore – and presented him with a lab coat. It served as an initiation of sorts. Ienzo was being accepted into the esteemed ranks of Ansem's apprentices.

In the meantime, Even squeezed deeper into the niches of the library and the labs. He was proud of Ienzo too; all of the apprentices felt like brothers to the boy, Even more so than the rest. However, the chasm that had come between them was deep and distant. Somewhere in the back of his mind there was also still a cold, dark fear pressing on his conscience of hurting Ienzo again. So instead he dove into science and research, taking a particular interest in Ansem's ongoing inquiries as to the nature of hearts. The king didn't think anything of it except that Even was enthusiastic and fascinated by the subject.

Ienzo inevitably found him again when he was in the library reading through some of their most recent lab reports. He popped up beside the table he was sitting at and folded his arms over the top, staring at Even expectantly. Even only glanced at him briefly before turning back to the words, numbers and diagrams in front of him. Ienzo still wore his hair the same way only now it was worse because his hair was specifically cut to facilitate that hairstyle.

"Hi," Ienzo whispered, conscious of their location. "I haven't seen you in a while."

"We see each other very often," Even replied, which was true in the most clinically factual way possible. They saw each other at meals and during lab time and study sessions. Despite no formal arrangement, the primary care of Ienzo often fell to Even when Ansem could not fill the role himself. He watched over Ienzo like a sentry and kept him from wandering into potential trouble.

"But I haven't _seen_ you."

"Do you see much with only one eye?" Even asked bitterly, immediately wishing he could take it back and say it in a different tone.

"I can still see with both eyes," Ienzo said, sympathetic to Even's attitude rather than upset. He pushed his thick fringe back. Even couldn't look away from that eye whenever it appeared; it drew his gaze when he so badly wanted to never see it again. It looked like a normal eye. There was no scarring or major disfiguration but whereas the iris of his left eye was a vibrant blue, his right eye was as pale as ice. "Ansem fixed everything."

Even sighed and netted his fingers. Ansem could fix the physical problem but there were other aspects that he would never be able to mend. "Well that's good. Say, downstairs there are some journals that I think you should read up on. Ansem the Wise mentioned that he might invite you to join his study of the heart sometime soon and it would be beneficial for you to read up on the topic and get up to speed with the research we've already done."

Ienzo sighed quietly. "You've kept yourself really busy. I was hoping you'd find some time to relax… maybe do some of your magic again."

"Are you ever going to let that go?" Even hissed. "In any case, you're an apprentice now. You don't have much time for fun and games either."

"Not having much time is not the same as not having any. I want to see you make snow again. And finally build that snowman. _Don't you want to build a snowman?  
Or go ice skating in the halls?"_

"It's summer," Even deadpanned.

"So? _All that time I would have spent with you  
Has been poured into books  
And reading articles."_

Even shook his head. "Aren't there others?"

"_It's not as if I'm lonely,"_ Ienzo admitted.  
"_I'm just missing you.  
Why don't you just come by?"_

He got up and rolled onto the desk, placing his hands on either side of Even's reading material and looking right into his senior's face. _"Do you want to build a snowman?"_

Beating back the positive urge to say 'yes', Even frowned hard and gathered up his papers. He stood up, letting his chair scrape and walked away without another word. Ienzo folded his arms and let his forehead drop onto them.

"_Why don't you want to build a snowman?"_

Even pretended he didn't hear that last part as he closed the library doors behind him. He turned to head to his favourite reading retreat (aside from the library) and started at the shadowy figure leaning against the wall beside the doors.

"Gee, that was harsh, man. If I were you, I'd go build a snowman."

Even clenched his teeth. "Get lost, Braig. You don't know anything."

"Hey, I know all about your little guilty conscience and let me tell you…" Braig paused for a moment, pushing himself off the wall sauntering up to the other apprentice. He threw an arm over Even's shoulder, which the blond grimaced at. "The one who's playing the fool here is you. Accidents happen. You're gonna have to get over it at some point." Braig waved his free hand dismissively.

"Leave me alone, I have work to do," Even growled, brushing Braig's arm off. "And so do you, if I remember correctly. You're behind on some of your reports."

Braig shrugged. "C'mon, dude. The kid was singing at you! That's devotion right there."

Even muttered something darkly under his breath and hurried away.

* * *

Some years later they had settled into The Castle That Never Was. They had all awoken in that gloomy world with the feeling of something critical missing inside of them. It took some years for them to get properly organised, with the memory of what had happened still fresh in their minds, leading to bitter insubordination. Xehanort's Nobody had a goal and a vaguely drafted plan and one by one, with little else to do and nothing much to live for anymore, the apprentices joined in the effort to begin building Organisation XIII. Over time they even managed to mould The World That Never Was to their own purposes, changing it into a fortress of science, magic and advancement that they couldn't even achieve while they were still in Radiant Garden.

Ienzo – no, Zexion – had earned a new coat and the number VI in their organisation. His transition was almost unnoticeable as he already tended towards stoicism but he felt his heartlessness as palpably as the others. He walked the pale halls of their new castle until he came upon a door with the number IV emblazoned across it. It was futile a mission but perhaps defying rationality would prove that there was still something left to salvage of his heart. He lifted a hand to knock…

… But he didn't. The air in this part of the castle was uncomfortably cold and the room behind the door was silent. Zexion froze there, taking measured breaths while he continued to think about the entire situation.

"Vexen," he whispered. _"I know you're in there.  
I've been starting to have doubt  
About the things that we've been doing through  
All of those years that you  
Had shut me out."_

It wasn't reaching. Zexion didn't need a response because even if the man on the other side felt something any reply would just phase straight through him. Emotion just didn't touch him anymore. He'd felt it from the others too, even Lexaeus, who was stalwart in maintaining his loyalty. Where he'd once felt a connection there was just nothing.

"_We no longer have each other;  
We're not even friends.  
But even if that stays true…"_

Zexion wanted to cry but tears didn't drip from an empty abyss. He thought hard about it, recalling every moment he'd been alone and rejected to conjure the feeling artificially until a tear managed to slip down his cheek. He gasped, surprised that he was able to muster it at all.

"_Would you still want to build a snowman?"_

His last shred of hope died in the silence that followed. It was pointless to keep remembering or trying because from now on they would be forever out of touch. He turned away from Vexen's door and walked away as quietly as he'd come.


End file.
